Periodic Writing Theme (Sept.-Dec. 2012):
"Defining Moments"
True Love: That Which Sacrifices All
by Suri Ben Noah (Chennai, India)
Chennai street
Her name was Nallamma (meaning Good Mother) and she lived with her aged mother in a slum outside the busy central market of the city. Actually, her mother as she called her, was not her real mother but a widowed lady who had picked her up from a garbage bin filled with rotten fruits & vegetables, thrown by the traders of the vegetable mandi (wholesale grocery market) which had stood there for centuries.
The widow made a meagre living by selling South Indian steamed rice cakes, known locally as idlis, which she made outside her miniscule hut. The widow’s late husband had been the headman of the slum and the slum dwellers still treated her and Nallamma with deference. The widow drew comfort from Nallamma’s presence and doted on her as if she were here own child. Nallamma, in turn, was very grateful to the widow for having picked her up from the garbage bin and for having provided a home and a family of sorts. Things went smoothly and the two women were able to sustain themselves with the little money that the widow made selling idlis, until Nallamma attained puberty.
The widow made a meagre living by selling South Indian steamed rice cakes, known locally as idlis, which she made outside her miniscule hut. The widow’s late husband had been the headman of the slum and the slum dwellers still treated her and Nallamma with deference. The widow drew comfort from Nallamma’s presence and doted on her as if she were here own child. Nallamma, in turn, was very grateful to the widow for having picked her up from the garbage bin and for having provided a home and a family of sorts. Things went smoothly and the two women were able to sustain themselves with the little money that the widow made selling idlis, until Nallamma attained puberty.
Idli
The transformation from adolescent to adulthood was very marked. From a skinny, awkward girl, Nallamma began to radiate a grace and inner beauty that heralded her arrival to womanhood. Nallamma was dark and dusky, as was the case with most children born in that region, but she was also slim with long legs and shapely hips which, combined with her short slim torso and small, firm pert breasts, attracted repeated glances from all the men who passed by. In short, Nallamma resembled a sprightly young doe combined with the grace of a peacock and the elegance of a flamingo.
Nallamma’s entry into womanhood worried the old woman for she knew that the men in the slum were rather dangerous and did not harbour good intentions. As for Nallamma, she couldn’t care less and was happy to assist her mother in the idli shop.
However, as fate would have it, the widow had a massive stroke while working in front of the wood burning stove. Fortunately, Nallamma was close by and raised a hue and cry so that the other slum dwellers hurried there, helped her lift her mother and rushed her to the nearby government hospital. The doctors there were non-committal about the old lady’s chances of survival and said that they would have to wait 48 hours before they could say anything definite. After two days had passed, the doctors informed Nallamma that her mother had survived. However, they said that the effects of the stroke had left her completely paralyzed on the left side. Including her left eye, left side of the mouth, and left hand and leg, and that she would live in a semi-vegetable state. Nallamma was completely traumatised as her peaceful life suddenly came crashing down.
Once her mother returned home from the hospital, Nallamma who was barely seventeen years old, had to juggle her time between managing the idli shop and caring for the ailing widow. The doctors had prescribed many medicines and Nallamma spent all the meagre savings that the old woman had accumulated on purchasing them. Nallamma had to shell out almost 75 rupees per day to buy the medicines; her daily profits, after covering the costs from the idli shop, barely reached 50 rupees. Nallamma awaited the future, in fact, the very next day, with great trepidation. In her bid to keep her mother alive, Nallamma was forced to sell even the golden Mangal Sutra, or Thali as it was called in Tamil, which the old lady had kept in memory of her late husband.
It was at this low point that Nallamma met her old friend Kavitha, whom she had known during her early years in the slum. Kavitha had been married off at the age of twelve to a man who was twice her age and had been sent off to her husband’s house in another slum. Nallamma had lost touch with Kavitha, but now Kavitha had returned to visit her parents after almost four years. Kavitha looked wealthy with many ornaments adorning her. After they began talking, Nallamma revealed her problems to Kavitha.
Kavitha, in turn, told her that after her marriage she had found that her husband was an alcoholic and that her parents had been cheated into marrying her off to a drunk with no income. She told Nallamma how she had suffered because of her penury until one of her husband’s friends who had brought her husband home dead drunk one day had offered her 100 rupees to sleep with him. At first, Kavitha had been angered at the offer but her husband’s drunken friend had forced himself upon her and had literally raped her while her husband slept blissfully, unaware of what was happening. The friend had been true to his word and had left 100 rupees on the floor near the sobbing heap of Kavitha’s body. After that he returned every night and performed the same ritual.
Initially, Kavitha had been repulsed and had even tried to commit suicide but gradually she began to reconcile herself to her fate and even began to look forward to the 100 rupees she obtained almost every day. After a while the friend began bringing his other friends along with him and they too would abuse her body, after which they took departed, leaving behind a 100 rupee note.
As the network of friends began to widen, Kavitha soon found that she was earning an average of 500 rupees per day. Soon her husband became suspicious of the source of the money that she was giving him so that he could get drunk. When he learnt the truth, he didn't care and only began demanding more money from her. Kavitha also told Nallamma that although she was not really happy with all this, she continued in order to secure her future by saving a bit of money and wisely investing it in a house and gold ornaments for the sake of the family that she hoped one day to raise alongside her husband.
After hearing Nallamma’s sorry state of affairs, Kavitha gave her 500 rupees to take care of her immediate needs. She also suggested that if Nallamma did not mind living like her she could put her in touch with some of her clients since she had more than she could handle. Nallamma was surprised and even angered that her friend could even think of suggesting such a thing. Kavitha apologized and said that she had only suggested it because Nallamma was in such financial trouble. Kavitha then departed, telling Nallamma to feel free to approach her if she ever needed any help.
The next few days went by smoothly thanks to the 500 rupees that Kavitha had given her and Nallamma could concentrate on the idli business. However, business was not as good as it was when the old widow had been handling the cooking for Nallamma was not too adept at it. The quality of the idlis had deteriorated because Nallamma had tried to save money by buying an inferior quality rice. Nor were the chutney and sambar served along with the idli as tasty as they had been when her mother had prepared it. Nallamma did not know the correct proportions of ingredients and as a result the sambar would be too salty one day and too spicy the next. Standardization was something that Nallamma could never get the hang off. As the money began to dwindle Nallamma began to worry again. She thought of going to Kavitha’s house and asking her for more money, but hesitated as she feared she might yield to the idea that Kavitha had proposed.
After holding out for a couple of days more with the support of a few neighbors, Nallamma was really exhausted. Not physically or mentally exhausted but spiritually exhausted as she had been fighting a running battle with her conscience. Finally, near collapse due to lack of food and of the inability to buy medicines for her mother, Nallamma was forced to muster up courage, and finally with her heart beating wildly and almost fainting she stood at the door of Kavitha’s house.
Kavitha’s house was much bigger than all the other houses that Nallamma had seen in her slum. As soon as Kavitha saw Nallamma standing on the doorstep she rushed out to welcome her. After the initial show of hospitality, Kavitha asked what had brought Nallamma all the way to her house. Nallamma stuttered and stammered. Kavitha seemed to understand her predicament. She told her that she was sorry for suggesting such a cheap and demeaning way to make money, but that poor women like them did not have much of a choice since they were victims of their own circumstances. Nallamma kept conveying her apprehensions but Kavitha assured her that there was nothing to worry about and promised to protect her from all harm.
A week or so later, Nallamma woke up very nervous for Kavitha had arranged for her to meet her first client. Kavitha had told her that he was a very rich man and would pick her up in his car near the Broadway bus terminus next to the Chennai High Court, which was close to the slum where Nallamma lived. Nallamma’s hands trembled as she completed the cooking that evening, earlier than the normal time. Her mother was puzzled by Nallamma’s behaviour.
Once her mother had gone to sleep after sunset, Nallamma went to the bus terminus were she was supposed to meet the client. Within a few minutes, a fat old man came waddling up and introduced himself as Kavitha’s contact. Fearfully, Nallamma followed the old man to his car which took her to a desolate farm house somewhere on the outskirts of the city. Nallamma prayed to her favorite deity, the Mother Goddess to protect her.
Once they reached their destination, Nallamma told the old man, that she had to be home before five in the morning, since her mother would wake up and search for her. The old man seemed to have experience of these kinds of situations; he sensed Nallamma’s nervousness and gave her some fruit juice, told her to relax and made her sit down on the bed. A few minutes after drinking the juice, Nallamma could feel a kind of languor coming over her. Her nervousness had vanished and she began speaking to the old man in a strange tone of voice, but the old man did not seem interested in idle chatter. He was very purposeful and achieved what he wanted while Nallamma remained in a semi-conscious state blissfully floating in a surreal world, unaware of what was being perpetrated on her body. When Nallamma recovered she realised that the old man had made her drink some form of alcohol. She noticed that it was four in the morning and she shook the old man awake asking him to take her home. Her entire body felt as if it had been squeezed through a wringer.
Thus, Nallamma's career was launched, and time flew by as Nallamma continued to learn the various aspects of the oldest profession in the world. At times, Nallamma’s mother would wake up in the middle of the night and find Nallamma missing. When she later demanded where Nallamma had been, Nallamma would reply that she had been to the loo and since the slum did not possess a single toilet, Nallamma would have had to walk to a desolate open area where all other women of the slum would relieve themselves under cover of darkness. Nallama soon realised that her lying might be discovered one day. She therefore told her mother, that she had got a job working night shifts in a garment factory and that hereafter she would be unavailable during the nights.
As promised, Kavitha kept watch over Nallamma to ensure that no harm befell her. She taught Nallamma the tricks of the trade and the precautions that Nallamma would have to adopt to ensure her safety. Nallamma listened carefully to Kavitha and followed her advice. The only advice that she didn’t bother with was not to partake of any drug or alcohol with a client. Nallamma found that these vices helped numb her conscience and to bear the physical abuse that was heaped upon her night after night.
Years flew by and Nallamma was now twenty-one years of age. Although she felt unclean within, her external beauty remained pristine. Kavitha had also warned Nallamma about not permitting any client to kiss her or to get her physically aroused and about the dangers of getting emotionally attached to regular customers. This piece of advice was faithfully followed by Nallamma who did not allow acts of affection to be displayed by her clients for she did not believe in mixing business with pleasure. However, there was no personal pleasure in her life for she was unable to relate to any male within the slum or outside it.
She began to believe that all men wanted was to take her to bed and therefore avoided any romantic relationship, although many young men had proposed to her. The only comfort and pleasure that Nallamma permitted herself was to occasionally smoke a stick of weed. This was a habit that she had picked up from one of her regulars who needed it in order to perform the function for which he had sought her.
It was a hot summer’s night and Nallamma’s eyes kept roving for potential clients, while she methodically walked around the bus terminus which she had made her permanent base of operations. Finding no one who seemed interested inside the terminus she came out on to the main road and looked around. It was approaching 9 pm and people were beginning to vanish from the road. Suddenly, Nallamma spotted a gleaming red car parked by the side and began observing it from a distance. She did not know its make or model but she knew that it must be pretty expensive.
Nallamma walked nonchalantly towards the car and approached the driver’s window. She peered inside and found a fair young man with stubble on his chin and a bottle of beer in his hand listening to some soft music that was playing. Pankaj Mehta, for that was his name, kept drumming his fingers on the steering wheel of his car as he wondered about whether he should go back to the lonely empty house that he called home. “Looking for some company?” demanded Nallamma for she was getting a bit worried that she might not find any client that night. Pankaj looked at her for the first time as he had been lost n his own world and had not noticed the girl who had come up to his window from behind. He shook his head to show that he was not interested and took a deep slug of beer from the bottle in his hand.
Though Pankaj was North Indian by birth, he was at ease with Tamil, the language of the locals, and could speak the urban Tamil jargon fluently, albeit with a slight North Indian accent, which gave it a different twang. “Beer should not be drunk alone you know," Nallamma persisted. “Want one?” he asked. Nallamma looked at him rather strangely for this guy had refused her services but had offered her a beer. “Where do you expect me to drink it?” she demanded. Pankaj looked at her once more. Something about this girl made him feel very familiar. “You can sit in the car and have it if you want," he replied.
Nallamma walked around the bonnet to the front door at the other side of the driver’s seat, letting the headlights play across her sleek, slender body. Pankaj silently opened the door, handed over a bottle of beer that he took from a thermo pack loaded with bottles on the back seat. Pankaj quietly sipped his beer ant stared straight ahead in comfortable silence while Nallamma just drained the bottle in one go. “So," she demanded, “Want me to stay on or what?” Pankaj did not know what to say. “What a strange man you are," Nallamma continued. “Better make up your mind fast or let me find my business elsewhere." Pankaj did not reply. He kept staring straight ahead and thinking of ways to avoid going back to his lonely residence for he knew that if he did he would be unable to sleep and would only end up feeling even more depressed than he was now. He was in no mood for sex nor had he ever attempted to have sexual relationships with anyone other than his wife.
Without even realizing that he was speaking to her, he opened his mouth like a gasping fish and blurted “How much?” his face turning red. He couldn’t believe that he who was doing this. Nallamma looked at him for a second wondering if she could ask him more than she normally charged but the lack of interest in his face made her change her mind. “Five hundred for the entire night or three hundred for three hours," she told him. Pankaj meekly took out a 500 rupee note from his wallet and handed it over to her.
After neatly tucking the note into the top of her blouse, Nallamma looked at him and said, “Well don’t just sit there like an idiot. Start the car and let’s go somewhere else more private." Pankaj didn’t know what to say and quietly drove the car rather aimlessly. He then remembered a desolate stretch of beach that he had been haunting frequently during the past month since it had an access road near the shore, and headed in that direction.
Once they reached the beach she looked at him oddly. “Do you want to do it in the car or on the sand?” she queried. “On the sand will cost you 300 rupees more," she concluded. Pankaj just remained silent and they both sat in the car sipping beers. Nallamma tried to put her hand on his shirt to unbutton it but Pankaj stopped her and shook his head. Nallamma began to get worried for she had been warned by Kavitha to be wary of psychos and nuts who abounded on the streets. Pankaj then looked at her: “I’m not interested in your body. I was just feeling lonely and wanted someone to talk to," he said quietly. Nallamma looked at him in disbelief. Could a person part with 500 rupees just to talk to someone, she wondered. Pankaj then asked her where she was from and about her profession.
Initially, Nallamma hesitated to talk to him but she soon realised that the man was harmless and began to open up. Anyway, it was a change from the usual physical abuse that she experienced nightly. Later, Pankaj drove her to a nearby roadside eat-out and they sat in the car and ate egg dosas and chutney. Nallamma felt very relaxed and offered him one of her cigarettes, which he refused since he never smoked. It was gradually becoming brighter as the first streaks of dawn reached the Chennai shoreline. Pankaj then drove Nallamma back to the place from where he had picked her up. He returned home to freshen up and change, after which he went to his office for the first time in several weeks. Pankaj felt very cheerful and did not understand what had happened to him. As evening came Pankaj was filled with a longing to go back to the bus stand and see if he could find Nallamma.
Pankaj must have waited for an hour before he spotted Nallamma walking down the road. On seeing his car from a distance, Nallamma waved and came over. The routine that night was the same as the previous one, except that he was feeling very tired since he had not slept for many days prior to meeting Nallamma. Without realizing it, he nodded off, gently resting his head on Nallamma shoulder. It was a rather a strange experience for Nallamma since no man had ever done this before. They usually came, did what they wanted and left hurriedly. She smiled to herself as she thought of the manner in which he pronounced her name with his North Indian accent. It sounded like Neelima and she liked to hear him say it that way.
Their meetings became a routine that Pankaj eagerly awaited. He would rush to meet Neelima as soon as he completed his duties at work. A week after their first meeting Neelima refused to accept money from Pankaj for she considered it a sin to be paid without working, but Pankaj insisted and would thrust the money upon her.
It was fifteen days since they started seeing each other and Pankaj sat in his car waiting for Neelima to appear. Pankaj must have waited for more than three hours but there was no sign of her. He continued to wait until night was over and then went home rather dejectedly. He returned to the same spot every night for five nights and would sit there drinking beer and waiting but still there was no sign of Neelima.
Sometimes other women who practiced the same profession would try to interest him but Pankaj did not even bother to look at them for he was only interested in Neelima, but she was nowhere to be found.
Pankaj was the only son of a successful business man and his doting wife, who had migrated from Punjab. Pankaj’s father had come to Chennai because he had fallen in love with a low-caste woman and married her. As a result he was ostracized from his village and had arrived in Chennai with very little money in his pocket. By dint of sheer hard work he had risen to become a successful businessman and had set up enterprises in various sectors, such as hospitality, real estate, health, pharmaceuticals and education. When Pankaj was born his father was so busy that he barely had any time to spend with his only son.
Pankaj was cared for by his loving mother and grew up to be a serious, intelligent boy with little interest in anything but his studies. As an only child he was a loner and preferred to spend his time with his huge collection of books that his father had bought him. After completing his education Pankaj entered his father’s business where his father put him under a trusted lieutenant to learn the ropes. Pankaj soon proved to be a master at business as well, and whatever responsibilities his father entrusted to him, Pankaj would carry out efficiently long before the deadline. This pleased his father so much that he gradually began to withdraw and hand over the reins to his son.
When Pankaj turned twenty-eight his parents decided to find him a bride as that they could have the satisfaction of having completed their duties as parents to their only son. Being an obedient child, Pankaj accepted his parent’s wishes, and since his parents wanted to find a bride from their home state, he allowed them to go to Punjab and pick out a girl for him. Some of his father’s friends who lived in Punjab helped his parents to identify a suitable bride. Pankaj did not even bother to look at the girl and told his parents to go ahead with the arrangements. The marriage was held on the chosen date in the town of Bathinda in accordance with tradition, with the dhol (a Punjabi percussion instrument) and bhangra (traditional Punjabi dance) accompanying the festivities. After the marriage Pankaj returned to Chennai with his parents and his new wife.
Initially, everything seemed fine and Pankaj’s parents were overjoyed to see Pankaj so happy. However, the girl found it difficult to adjust to a strange family in an alien state with a differing culture, and began to grow restless. Moreover, she was much more of an extrovert than Pankaj. She wanted Pankaj to take her to parties, shopping or sightseeing. She also had a passion for gold and diamond jewellery and would insist that Pankaj buy her some bracelet or necklace every now and then. When Pankaj refused to accompany her, stating that he had work to do in the office, she would say that as boss he needn't go there since his employees could handle the business. Pankaj knew that if he gave in he would be bankrupt in no time. This occasional bickering gradually turned into constant quarreling and open shouting brawls while his distressed parents quietly witnessed these unhappy scenes.
Matters reached the point where they couldn’t be together for a single moment without fighting. One evening while Pankaj was busy at the office he received a call from his mother who sounded very upset. She asked him to come immediately. Pankaj rushed home to find that his wife had left without informing anyone and had taken with her all the jewellery that she had brought with her, along with the jewels that Pankaj had frequently purchased for her. The worst part was that even his mother’s jewels that had been kept in a locker in her bedroom were missing.
Pankaj searched for her in all her favorite haunts and clubs. His distressed father called up the girls’ parents in Bathinda the next day only to be told curtly that his daughter-in-law had reached her parents' home safely and that there was no need to worry about her. Two days later Pankaj’s family was visited by a team of policemen who informed them that they were following up a complaint of dowry violation registered by the girls’ family at the Bathinda police station. Pankaj and his parents were too stunned and shocked to even react. The police insisted that they take Pankaj into custody since this was a non-bailable offence. Pankaj’s father had to use all his influence to stall Pankaj‘s arrest and file a counter complaint against Pankaj’s wife for stealing the family jewels.
The marriage had not even lasted a year and after a prolonged legal battle it was proved in court that Pankaj was innocent. The entire incident affected Pankaj’s parents so much that they began to wither before his very eyes. Within six months of Pankaj obtaining his divorce, his mother fell ill and passed away. Pankaj’s father had a major heart attack a month later and died while being rushed to a hospital.
Pankaj suddenly found himself lost and orphaned. All his parent’s relatives were based in Punjab. He had not even met any of them except for the time when they had come to Bathinda for his marriage. Pankaj lost all interest in the business and would walk around like a zombie unaware of what was happening in his office. He never felt like staying alone in the palatial home that his father had built for them since it had too many painful memories. He would therefore drive aimlessly around the streets of Chennai. He also resorted to drinking and did not even bother about personal hygiene or appearance. It was at this time that Pankaj chanced upon Nallamma. Her raw earthy beauty and attitude to life, despite all her suffering, attracted him. All his sophistication and finesse seemed phony when he was with her.
It was only on the sixth day that Pankaj finally came across Nallamma. He had been sitting in his car outside the bus stop as he had been doing ever since Nallamma went missing, when he saw her walking towards the bus stand in a daze. Pankaj rushed out of his car and ran after Nallamma. On reaching her he caught hold of her shoulders and turned her around but Nallamma looked at him with unseeing eyes. Pankaj was shocked by that look. Her body seemed feverish to his touch. He literally dragged her to his car with passersby wondering what he was up to.
Once he had got her into his car he shook her by her shoulders. She continued to behave like a zombie. Not knowing what to do Pankaj slapped her face to shock her out of her trance-like state. Her eyes became focused and seemed to recognise Pankaj. She then sobbed uncontrollably and rested her head on his shoulder. Pankaj remained silent and held her gently. Once they had subsided, she informed Pankaj that her mother had passed away, that she had become an orphan and that there was no one to whom she could turn. Pankaj assured her that she would not be an orphan as long as he was alive. She gradually calmed down and Pankaj kept holding her. It was a strange but pleasant feeling to embrace someone with love and Pankaj gently stroked her hair and back to comfort her. She then told Pankaj that she was not in the mood to even continue with her business since she had only got into this profession in order to support her aged mother. Pankaj was very happy to hear this and suggested that she stay with him for the rest of her life.
It was then that Pankaj opened his heart to her and told her that he loved her dearly and would even like to marry her as he too was an orphan with no one to turn to. Nallamma was stunned. She looked deeply into Pankaj’s eyes and all she could see was love. However, she could not accept his love since she felt cheap and dirty, lacking the purity that she would want to give to a mate or spouse. Moreover, she was just a coarse, uneducated slum woman while Pankaj was a muti-crorepati (millionaire) with a very high status in society. As she was thinking of all this, Pankaj could sense what was running through her mind just by looking into her eyes. “Society and status be damned,” he declared. “All that matters is that you are happy with me and I am happy with you and I love you dearly." “Even if you don’t feel any desire to marry me you can at least stay with me and share my house with me, for what I feel for you is not physical desire but a desire of my spirit to be with yours. Only I know how much I have suffered these past six days without seeing or talking to you." Pankaj clutched her hands desperately and continued: “Please don’t say no; at least give it some thought and until you decide what you want you can stay with me and be with me. I know it is rather selfish of me to ask this, but if you think that it would not suit you to come and stay with me at my place I would be only too happy to stay with you wherever you are staying."
Nallamma was moved to tears by Pankaj’s reiteration of his love for her. Her rationality told her that it would not be a wise move to accept his love and his offer of marriage for she knew that they were from completely different backgrounds and it was like mixing oil and water. However, she could sense Pankaj’s loneliness and his longing for her.
During the fifteen days that they had known each other he had been the perfect gentleman. This had raised her respect for him by several notches. While all the other men had been focused on only one organ of hers which she considered unclean, here was a gentleman who was interested only in appreciating the purity of her spirit. Therefore, she agreed to go with Pankaj and stay with him although she considered any talk of marriage premature.
She asked Pankaj to wait for half an hour while she went and collected a few possessions from her house. Pankaj would not hear of this; he was afraid to let her go for even a minute. The past six days had taught him how precious she was. He felt that it would be better for them both to break away from the past and start afresh with new clothes and whatever else she needed. He therefore took her to a sari and textile showroom that was just about to close for the day and purchased whatever he felt would be appropriate for her to wear, while Nallamma kept protesting that they were too expensive and he was wasting money unnecessarily. They then proceeded to Pankaj’s residence laden with carry bags full of clothes and other accessories. When Pankaj reached the entrance to his bungalow he honked the horn and the watchman came running to open the gate. The watchman’s jaw dropped when he saw a slum woman sitting next to his employer. Nallamma's mouth also opened wide when she saw the size of Pankaj's abode.
Days passed happily and the more Neelima, as she was now, got to know Pankaj the more she fell in love with him. Pankaj was overjoyed. The next thirty days were the happiest days of his life. He wanted to take Neelima out and give her the best of everything but Neelima seemed reluctant to face people of his social standing in public. Wherever they went heads would turn and people would whisper to each other and snigger at her. This was very upsetting to Neelima but Pankaj seemed totally oblivious to it all. Neelima was even more hurt that her beloved Pankaj should be scorned by the world for his association with her, and she didn’t know how to broach the subject with him.
Pankaj would return every day from the office with gifts for her and she would fondly rebuke him saying that he was wasting his money and that she didn't need all those worldly possessions. She told him that all she needed was his love and at the most a string of jasmine flowers. Pankaj used to muse about the contrast between his ex-wife and Nallamma. Whereas his ex-wife had been avaricious and never satisfied, Nallamma did not want anything at all and was content with a mere five rupees worth of flowers. It was now a month since Nallamma had come to Pankaj’s house.
One day when Pankaj had gone to his office, Nallamma went strolling in the garden to spend some time admiring the beauty of the flowers. At a distance she could see the gardener speaking to the watchman. Curious to know what they were talking about, she walked silently towards them and stood behind a bush from where she could hear what they were saying.
The gardener told the watchman that he was worried about the master and his antics with a whore. The watchman replied that the woman the master had brought looked like a criminal and that she must have come only to rob their master of all his money. Nallamma was heartbroken on hearing this. She realised that she and Pankaj could not change the world and that the social stigma attached to her earlier profession could never be erased.
It was then that Nallamma decided to leave the place. She knew that if she told Pankaj he would never agree to let her go. While the watchman and gardener stood there talking Nallamma quietly slipped away and left the house. As she walked along the hot bitumen road she did not know where to go or what to do, but decided that she would never go back to her earlier profession. She would catch a train or bus and go to a far away place where she could live a simple life and eke out a living by working as a housemaid.
She did not cry any more. She knew a new life awaited her somewhere. As for Pankaj, she assumed he would grieve for a few days and then forget her. She thought that it was better to forfeit his love so that he could live with self-respect. She did not realise that she was his very life. It did not even occur to her that Pankaj would not want to live without her.
As Nallamma proceeded towards the bus stop, she suddenly remembered that Kavitha would wonder what had happened to her. While staying with Pankaj she had called Kavitha to tell her that she was now living in the house of a rich man whom she loved dearly. On hearing this Kavitha had been very happy for her and had promised to visit her one day. However, this had not happened and Nallamma felt it was her duty to go and see Kavitha and explain why she planned to leave.
As Nallamma stood on the doorstep of Kavitha’s house she remembered her first visit and how nervous she had been at that time. Now she felt very calm and relaxed and happy with the decision she had taken to leave the town. On hearing of Nallamma’s decision Kavitha seemed very upset. She told Nallamma that it was wrong on her part to leave Pankaj who loved her so dearly. Moreover, God had blessed her with the love of a wealthy man and all her suffering had come to an end. It was therefore foolish for Nallamma to return to a life of poverty again. However, Nallamma would not listen to Kavitha, and bid her farewell. She refused Kavitha’s offer of accompanying her to the bus terminus since she did not want anyone to know her destination.
When she reached the terminus she recalled the first time she had come there to meet her client. She stood vacantly wondering where to go and then boarded a bus that was fairly empty. She purchased a ticket to the final destination and closed her eyes and wept as the bus rolled out of the terminus. She opened her eyes momentarily to see if anybody was watching her or sitting next to her, then closed them and gave in to her emotions.
Tears poured down her cheeks as the bus gathered speed taking her to a new life in an unknown city.
(Based on a true story, related to the author by a commercial sex worker when he was doing field research as part of his NGO work.)
Nallamma’s entry into womanhood worried the old woman for she knew that the men in the slum were rather dangerous and did not harbour good intentions. As for Nallamma, she couldn’t care less and was happy to assist her mother in the idli shop.
However, as fate would have it, the widow had a massive stroke while working in front of the wood burning stove. Fortunately, Nallamma was close by and raised a hue and cry so that the other slum dwellers hurried there, helped her lift her mother and rushed her to the nearby government hospital. The doctors there were non-committal about the old lady’s chances of survival and said that they would have to wait 48 hours before they could say anything definite. After two days had passed, the doctors informed Nallamma that her mother had survived. However, they said that the effects of the stroke had left her completely paralyzed on the left side. Including her left eye, left side of the mouth, and left hand and leg, and that she would live in a semi-vegetable state. Nallamma was completely traumatised as her peaceful life suddenly came crashing down.
Once her mother returned home from the hospital, Nallamma who was barely seventeen years old, had to juggle her time between managing the idli shop and caring for the ailing widow. The doctors had prescribed many medicines and Nallamma spent all the meagre savings that the old woman had accumulated on purchasing them. Nallamma had to shell out almost 75 rupees per day to buy the medicines; her daily profits, after covering the costs from the idli shop, barely reached 50 rupees. Nallamma awaited the future, in fact, the very next day, with great trepidation. In her bid to keep her mother alive, Nallamma was forced to sell even the golden Mangal Sutra, or Thali as it was called in Tamil, which the old lady had kept in memory of her late husband.
It was at this low point that Nallamma met her old friend Kavitha, whom she had known during her early years in the slum. Kavitha had been married off at the age of twelve to a man who was twice her age and had been sent off to her husband’s house in another slum. Nallamma had lost touch with Kavitha, but now Kavitha had returned to visit her parents after almost four years. Kavitha looked wealthy with many ornaments adorning her. After they began talking, Nallamma revealed her problems to Kavitha.
Kavitha, in turn, told her that after her marriage she had found that her husband was an alcoholic and that her parents had been cheated into marrying her off to a drunk with no income. She told Nallamma how she had suffered because of her penury until one of her husband’s friends who had brought her husband home dead drunk one day had offered her 100 rupees to sleep with him. At first, Kavitha had been angered at the offer but her husband’s drunken friend had forced himself upon her and had literally raped her while her husband slept blissfully, unaware of what was happening. The friend had been true to his word and had left 100 rupees on the floor near the sobbing heap of Kavitha’s body. After that he returned every night and performed the same ritual.
Initially, Kavitha had been repulsed and had even tried to commit suicide but gradually she began to reconcile herself to her fate and even began to look forward to the 100 rupees she obtained almost every day. After a while the friend began bringing his other friends along with him and they too would abuse her body, after which they took departed, leaving behind a 100 rupee note.
As the network of friends began to widen, Kavitha soon found that she was earning an average of 500 rupees per day. Soon her husband became suspicious of the source of the money that she was giving him so that he could get drunk. When he learnt the truth, he didn't care and only began demanding more money from her. Kavitha also told Nallamma that although she was not really happy with all this, she continued in order to secure her future by saving a bit of money and wisely investing it in a house and gold ornaments for the sake of the family that she hoped one day to raise alongside her husband.
After hearing Nallamma’s sorry state of affairs, Kavitha gave her 500 rupees to take care of her immediate needs. She also suggested that if Nallamma did not mind living like her she could put her in touch with some of her clients since she had more than she could handle. Nallamma was surprised and even angered that her friend could even think of suggesting such a thing. Kavitha apologized and said that she had only suggested it because Nallamma was in such financial trouble. Kavitha then departed, telling Nallamma to feel free to approach her if she ever needed any help.
The next few days went by smoothly thanks to the 500 rupees that Kavitha had given her and Nallamma could concentrate on the idli business. However, business was not as good as it was when the old widow had been handling the cooking for Nallamma was not too adept at it. The quality of the idlis had deteriorated because Nallamma had tried to save money by buying an inferior quality rice. Nor were the chutney and sambar served along with the idli as tasty as they had been when her mother had prepared it. Nallamma did not know the correct proportions of ingredients and as a result the sambar would be too salty one day and too spicy the next. Standardization was something that Nallamma could never get the hang off. As the money began to dwindle Nallamma began to worry again. She thought of going to Kavitha’s house and asking her for more money, but hesitated as she feared she might yield to the idea that Kavitha had proposed.
After holding out for a couple of days more with the support of a few neighbors, Nallamma was really exhausted. Not physically or mentally exhausted but spiritually exhausted as she had been fighting a running battle with her conscience. Finally, near collapse due to lack of food and of the inability to buy medicines for her mother, Nallamma was forced to muster up courage, and finally with her heart beating wildly and almost fainting she stood at the door of Kavitha’s house.
Kavitha’s house was much bigger than all the other houses that Nallamma had seen in her slum. As soon as Kavitha saw Nallamma standing on the doorstep she rushed out to welcome her. After the initial show of hospitality, Kavitha asked what had brought Nallamma all the way to her house. Nallamma stuttered and stammered. Kavitha seemed to understand her predicament. She told her that she was sorry for suggesting such a cheap and demeaning way to make money, but that poor women like them did not have much of a choice since they were victims of their own circumstances. Nallamma kept conveying her apprehensions but Kavitha assured her that there was nothing to worry about and promised to protect her from all harm.
A week or so later, Nallamma woke up very nervous for Kavitha had arranged for her to meet her first client. Kavitha had told her that he was a very rich man and would pick her up in his car near the Broadway bus terminus next to the Chennai High Court, which was close to the slum where Nallamma lived. Nallamma’s hands trembled as she completed the cooking that evening, earlier than the normal time. Her mother was puzzled by Nallamma’s behaviour.
Once her mother had gone to sleep after sunset, Nallamma went to the bus terminus were she was supposed to meet the client. Within a few minutes, a fat old man came waddling up and introduced himself as Kavitha’s contact. Fearfully, Nallamma followed the old man to his car which took her to a desolate farm house somewhere on the outskirts of the city. Nallamma prayed to her favorite deity, the Mother Goddess to protect her.
Once they reached their destination, Nallamma told the old man, that she had to be home before five in the morning, since her mother would wake up and search for her. The old man seemed to have experience of these kinds of situations; he sensed Nallamma’s nervousness and gave her some fruit juice, told her to relax and made her sit down on the bed. A few minutes after drinking the juice, Nallamma could feel a kind of languor coming over her. Her nervousness had vanished and she began speaking to the old man in a strange tone of voice, but the old man did not seem interested in idle chatter. He was very purposeful and achieved what he wanted while Nallamma remained in a semi-conscious state blissfully floating in a surreal world, unaware of what was being perpetrated on her body. When Nallamma recovered she realised that the old man had made her drink some form of alcohol. She noticed that it was four in the morning and she shook the old man awake asking him to take her home. Her entire body felt as if it had been squeezed through a wringer.
Thus, Nallamma's career was launched, and time flew by as Nallamma continued to learn the various aspects of the oldest profession in the world. At times, Nallamma’s mother would wake up in the middle of the night and find Nallamma missing. When she later demanded where Nallamma had been, Nallamma would reply that she had been to the loo and since the slum did not possess a single toilet, Nallamma would have had to walk to a desolate open area where all other women of the slum would relieve themselves under cover of darkness. Nallama soon realised that her lying might be discovered one day. She therefore told her mother, that she had got a job working night shifts in a garment factory and that hereafter she would be unavailable during the nights.
As promised, Kavitha kept watch over Nallamma to ensure that no harm befell her. She taught Nallamma the tricks of the trade and the precautions that Nallamma would have to adopt to ensure her safety. Nallamma listened carefully to Kavitha and followed her advice. The only advice that she didn’t bother with was not to partake of any drug or alcohol with a client. Nallamma found that these vices helped numb her conscience and to bear the physical abuse that was heaped upon her night after night.
Years flew by and Nallamma was now twenty-one years of age. Although she felt unclean within, her external beauty remained pristine. Kavitha had also warned Nallamma about not permitting any client to kiss her or to get her physically aroused and about the dangers of getting emotionally attached to regular customers. This piece of advice was faithfully followed by Nallamma who did not allow acts of affection to be displayed by her clients for she did not believe in mixing business with pleasure. However, there was no personal pleasure in her life for she was unable to relate to any male within the slum or outside it.
She began to believe that all men wanted was to take her to bed and therefore avoided any romantic relationship, although many young men had proposed to her. The only comfort and pleasure that Nallamma permitted herself was to occasionally smoke a stick of weed. This was a habit that she had picked up from one of her regulars who needed it in order to perform the function for which he had sought her.
It was a hot summer’s night and Nallamma’s eyes kept roving for potential clients, while she methodically walked around the bus terminus which she had made her permanent base of operations. Finding no one who seemed interested inside the terminus she came out on to the main road and looked around. It was approaching 9 pm and people were beginning to vanish from the road. Suddenly, Nallamma spotted a gleaming red car parked by the side and began observing it from a distance. She did not know its make or model but she knew that it must be pretty expensive.
Nallamma walked nonchalantly towards the car and approached the driver’s window. She peered inside and found a fair young man with stubble on his chin and a bottle of beer in his hand listening to some soft music that was playing. Pankaj Mehta, for that was his name, kept drumming his fingers on the steering wheel of his car as he wondered about whether he should go back to the lonely empty house that he called home. “Looking for some company?” demanded Nallamma for she was getting a bit worried that she might not find any client that night. Pankaj looked at her for the first time as he had been lost n his own world and had not noticed the girl who had come up to his window from behind. He shook his head to show that he was not interested and took a deep slug of beer from the bottle in his hand.
Though Pankaj was North Indian by birth, he was at ease with Tamil, the language of the locals, and could speak the urban Tamil jargon fluently, albeit with a slight North Indian accent, which gave it a different twang. “Beer should not be drunk alone you know," Nallamma persisted. “Want one?” he asked. Nallamma looked at him rather strangely for this guy had refused her services but had offered her a beer. “Where do you expect me to drink it?” she demanded. Pankaj looked at her once more. Something about this girl made him feel very familiar. “You can sit in the car and have it if you want," he replied.
Nallamma walked around the bonnet to the front door at the other side of the driver’s seat, letting the headlights play across her sleek, slender body. Pankaj silently opened the door, handed over a bottle of beer that he took from a thermo pack loaded with bottles on the back seat. Pankaj quietly sipped his beer ant stared straight ahead in comfortable silence while Nallamma just drained the bottle in one go. “So," she demanded, “Want me to stay on or what?” Pankaj did not know what to say. “What a strange man you are," Nallamma continued. “Better make up your mind fast or let me find my business elsewhere." Pankaj did not reply. He kept staring straight ahead and thinking of ways to avoid going back to his lonely residence for he knew that if he did he would be unable to sleep and would only end up feeling even more depressed than he was now. He was in no mood for sex nor had he ever attempted to have sexual relationships with anyone other than his wife.
Without even realizing that he was speaking to her, he opened his mouth like a gasping fish and blurted “How much?” his face turning red. He couldn’t believe that he who was doing this. Nallamma looked at him for a second wondering if she could ask him more than she normally charged but the lack of interest in his face made her change her mind. “Five hundred for the entire night or three hundred for three hours," she told him. Pankaj meekly took out a 500 rupee note from his wallet and handed it over to her.
After neatly tucking the note into the top of her blouse, Nallamma looked at him and said, “Well don’t just sit there like an idiot. Start the car and let’s go somewhere else more private." Pankaj didn’t know what to say and quietly drove the car rather aimlessly. He then remembered a desolate stretch of beach that he had been haunting frequently during the past month since it had an access road near the shore, and headed in that direction.
Once they reached the beach she looked at him oddly. “Do you want to do it in the car or on the sand?” she queried. “On the sand will cost you 300 rupees more," she concluded. Pankaj just remained silent and they both sat in the car sipping beers. Nallamma tried to put her hand on his shirt to unbutton it but Pankaj stopped her and shook his head. Nallamma began to get worried for she had been warned by Kavitha to be wary of psychos and nuts who abounded on the streets. Pankaj then looked at her: “I’m not interested in your body. I was just feeling lonely and wanted someone to talk to," he said quietly. Nallamma looked at him in disbelief. Could a person part with 500 rupees just to talk to someone, she wondered. Pankaj then asked her where she was from and about her profession.
Initially, Nallamma hesitated to talk to him but she soon realised that the man was harmless and began to open up. Anyway, it was a change from the usual physical abuse that she experienced nightly. Later, Pankaj drove her to a nearby roadside eat-out and they sat in the car and ate egg dosas and chutney. Nallamma felt very relaxed and offered him one of her cigarettes, which he refused since he never smoked. It was gradually becoming brighter as the first streaks of dawn reached the Chennai shoreline. Pankaj then drove Nallamma back to the place from where he had picked her up. He returned home to freshen up and change, after which he went to his office for the first time in several weeks. Pankaj felt very cheerful and did not understand what had happened to him. As evening came Pankaj was filled with a longing to go back to the bus stand and see if he could find Nallamma.
Pankaj must have waited for an hour before he spotted Nallamma walking down the road. On seeing his car from a distance, Nallamma waved and came over. The routine that night was the same as the previous one, except that he was feeling very tired since he had not slept for many days prior to meeting Nallamma. Without realizing it, he nodded off, gently resting his head on Nallamma shoulder. It was a rather a strange experience for Nallamma since no man had ever done this before. They usually came, did what they wanted and left hurriedly. She smiled to herself as she thought of the manner in which he pronounced her name with his North Indian accent. It sounded like Neelima and she liked to hear him say it that way.
Their meetings became a routine that Pankaj eagerly awaited. He would rush to meet Neelima as soon as he completed his duties at work. A week after their first meeting Neelima refused to accept money from Pankaj for she considered it a sin to be paid without working, but Pankaj insisted and would thrust the money upon her.
It was fifteen days since they started seeing each other and Pankaj sat in his car waiting for Neelima to appear. Pankaj must have waited for more than three hours but there was no sign of her. He continued to wait until night was over and then went home rather dejectedly. He returned to the same spot every night for five nights and would sit there drinking beer and waiting but still there was no sign of Neelima.
Sometimes other women who practiced the same profession would try to interest him but Pankaj did not even bother to look at them for he was only interested in Neelima, but she was nowhere to be found.
Pankaj was the only son of a successful business man and his doting wife, who had migrated from Punjab. Pankaj’s father had come to Chennai because he had fallen in love with a low-caste woman and married her. As a result he was ostracized from his village and had arrived in Chennai with very little money in his pocket. By dint of sheer hard work he had risen to become a successful businessman and had set up enterprises in various sectors, such as hospitality, real estate, health, pharmaceuticals and education. When Pankaj was born his father was so busy that he barely had any time to spend with his only son.
Pankaj was cared for by his loving mother and grew up to be a serious, intelligent boy with little interest in anything but his studies. As an only child he was a loner and preferred to spend his time with his huge collection of books that his father had bought him. After completing his education Pankaj entered his father’s business where his father put him under a trusted lieutenant to learn the ropes. Pankaj soon proved to be a master at business as well, and whatever responsibilities his father entrusted to him, Pankaj would carry out efficiently long before the deadline. This pleased his father so much that he gradually began to withdraw and hand over the reins to his son.
When Pankaj turned twenty-eight his parents decided to find him a bride as that they could have the satisfaction of having completed their duties as parents to their only son. Being an obedient child, Pankaj accepted his parent’s wishes, and since his parents wanted to find a bride from their home state, he allowed them to go to Punjab and pick out a girl for him. Some of his father’s friends who lived in Punjab helped his parents to identify a suitable bride. Pankaj did not even bother to look at the girl and told his parents to go ahead with the arrangements. The marriage was held on the chosen date in the town of Bathinda in accordance with tradition, with the dhol (a Punjabi percussion instrument) and bhangra (traditional Punjabi dance) accompanying the festivities. After the marriage Pankaj returned to Chennai with his parents and his new wife.
Initially, everything seemed fine and Pankaj’s parents were overjoyed to see Pankaj so happy. However, the girl found it difficult to adjust to a strange family in an alien state with a differing culture, and began to grow restless. Moreover, she was much more of an extrovert than Pankaj. She wanted Pankaj to take her to parties, shopping or sightseeing. She also had a passion for gold and diamond jewellery and would insist that Pankaj buy her some bracelet or necklace every now and then. When Pankaj refused to accompany her, stating that he had work to do in the office, she would say that as boss he needn't go there since his employees could handle the business. Pankaj knew that if he gave in he would be bankrupt in no time. This occasional bickering gradually turned into constant quarreling and open shouting brawls while his distressed parents quietly witnessed these unhappy scenes.
Matters reached the point where they couldn’t be together for a single moment without fighting. One evening while Pankaj was busy at the office he received a call from his mother who sounded very upset. She asked him to come immediately. Pankaj rushed home to find that his wife had left without informing anyone and had taken with her all the jewellery that she had brought with her, along with the jewels that Pankaj had frequently purchased for her. The worst part was that even his mother’s jewels that had been kept in a locker in her bedroom were missing.
Pankaj searched for her in all her favorite haunts and clubs. His distressed father called up the girls’ parents in Bathinda the next day only to be told curtly that his daughter-in-law had reached her parents' home safely and that there was no need to worry about her. Two days later Pankaj’s family was visited by a team of policemen who informed them that they were following up a complaint of dowry violation registered by the girls’ family at the Bathinda police station. Pankaj and his parents were too stunned and shocked to even react. The police insisted that they take Pankaj into custody since this was a non-bailable offence. Pankaj’s father had to use all his influence to stall Pankaj‘s arrest and file a counter complaint against Pankaj’s wife for stealing the family jewels.
The marriage had not even lasted a year and after a prolonged legal battle it was proved in court that Pankaj was innocent. The entire incident affected Pankaj’s parents so much that they began to wither before his very eyes. Within six months of Pankaj obtaining his divorce, his mother fell ill and passed away. Pankaj’s father had a major heart attack a month later and died while being rushed to a hospital.
Pankaj suddenly found himself lost and orphaned. All his parent’s relatives were based in Punjab. He had not even met any of them except for the time when they had come to Bathinda for his marriage. Pankaj lost all interest in the business and would walk around like a zombie unaware of what was happening in his office. He never felt like staying alone in the palatial home that his father had built for them since it had too many painful memories. He would therefore drive aimlessly around the streets of Chennai. He also resorted to drinking and did not even bother about personal hygiene or appearance. It was at this time that Pankaj chanced upon Nallamma. Her raw earthy beauty and attitude to life, despite all her suffering, attracted him. All his sophistication and finesse seemed phony when he was with her.
It was only on the sixth day that Pankaj finally came across Nallamma. He had been sitting in his car outside the bus stop as he had been doing ever since Nallamma went missing, when he saw her walking towards the bus stand in a daze. Pankaj rushed out of his car and ran after Nallamma. On reaching her he caught hold of her shoulders and turned her around but Nallamma looked at him with unseeing eyes. Pankaj was shocked by that look. Her body seemed feverish to his touch. He literally dragged her to his car with passersby wondering what he was up to.
Once he had got her into his car he shook her by her shoulders. She continued to behave like a zombie. Not knowing what to do Pankaj slapped her face to shock her out of her trance-like state. Her eyes became focused and seemed to recognise Pankaj. She then sobbed uncontrollably and rested her head on his shoulder. Pankaj remained silent and held her gently. Once they had subsided, she informed Pankaj that her mother had passed away, that she had become an orphan and that there was no one to whom she could turn. Pankaj assured her that she would not be an orphan as long as he was alive. She gradually calmed down and Pankaj kept holding her. It was a strange but pleasant feeling to embrace someone with love and Pankaj gently stroked her hair and back to comfort her. She then told Pankaj that she was not in the mood to even continue with her business since she had only got into this profession in order to support her aged mother. Pankaj was very happy to hear this and suggested that she stay with him for the rest of her life.
It was then that Pankaj opened his heart to her and told her that he loved her dearly and would even like to marry her as he too was an orphan with no one to turn to. Nallamma was stunned. She looked deeply into Pankaj’s eyes and all she could see was love. However, she could not accept his love since she felt cheap and dirty, lacking the purity that she would want to give to a mate or spouse. Moreover, she was just a coarse, uneducated slum woman while Pankaj was a muti-crorepati (millionaire) with a very high status in society. As she was thinking of all this, Pankaj could sense what was running through her mind just by looking into her eyes. “Society and status be damned,” he declared. “All that matters is that you are happy with me and I am happy with you and I love you dearly." “Even if you don’t feel any desire to marry me you can at least stay with me and share my house with me, for what I feel for you is not physical desire but a desire of my spirit to be with yours. Only I know how much I have suffered these past six days without seeing or talking to you." Pankaj clutched her hands desperately and continued: “Please don’t say no; at least give it some thought and until you decide what you want you can stay with me and be with me. I know it is rather selfish of me to ask this, but if you think that it would not suit you to come and stay with me at my place I would be only too happy to stay with you wherever you are staying."
Nallamma was moved to tears by Pankaj’s reiteration of his love for her. Her rationality told her that it would not be a wise move to accept his love and his offer of marriage for she knew that they were from completely different backgrounds and it was like mixing oil and water. However, she could sense Pankaj’s loneliness and his longing for her.
During the fifteen days that they had known each other he had been the perfect gentleman. This had raised her respect for him by several notches. While all the other men had been focused on only one organ of hers which she considered unclean, here was a gentleman who was interested only in appreciating the purity of her spirit. Therefore, she agreed to go with Pankaj and stay with him although she considered any talk of marriage premature.
She asked Pankaj to wait for half an hour while she went and collected a few possessions from her house. Pankaj would not hear of this; he was afraid to let her go for even a minute. The past six days had taught him how precious she was. He felt that it would be better for them both to break away from the past and start afresh with new clothes and whatever else she needed. He therefore took her to a sari and textile showroom that was just about to close for the day and purchased whatever he felt would be appropriate for her to wear, while Nallamma kept protesting that they were too expensive and he was wasting money unnecessarily. They then proceeded to Pankaj’s residence laden with carry bags full of clothes and other accessories. When Pankaj reached the entrance to his bungalow he honked the horn and the watchman came running to open the gate. The watchman’s jaw dropped when he saw a slum woman sitting next to his employer. Nallamma's mouth also opened wide when she saw the size of Pankaj's abode.
Days passed happily and the more Neelima, as she was now, got to know Pankaj the more she fell in love with him. Pankaj was overjoyed. The next thirty days were the happiest days of his life. He wanted to take Neelima out and give her the best of everything but Neelima seemed reluctant to face people of his social standing in public. Wherever they went heads would turn and people would whisper to each other and snigger at her. This was very upsetting to Neelima but Pankaj seemed totally oblivious to it all. Neelima was even more hurt that her beloved Pankaj should be scorned by the world for his association with her, and she didn’t know how to broach the subject with him.
Pankaj would return every day from the office with gifts for her and she would fondly rebuke him saying that he was wasting his money and that she didn't need all those worldly possessions. She told him that all she needed was his love and at the most a string of jasmine flowers. Pankaj used to muse about the contrast between his ex-wife and Nallamma. Whereas his ex-wife had been avaricious and never satisfied, Nallamma did not want anything at all and was content with a mere five rupees worth of flowers. It was now a month since Nallamma had come to Pankaj’s house.
One day when Pankaj had gone to his office, Nallamma went strolling in the garden to spend some time admiring the beauty of the flowers. At a distance she could see the gardener speaking to the watchman. Curious to know what they were talking about, she walked silently towards them and stood behind a bush from where she could hear what they were saying.
The gardener told the watchman that he was worried about the master and his antics with a whore. The watchman replied that the woman the master had brought looked like a criminal and that she must have come only to rob their master of all his money. Nallamma was heartbroken on hearing this. She realised that she and Pankaj could not change the world and that the social stigma attached to her earlier profession could never be erased.
It was then that Nallamma decided to leave the place. She knew that if she told Pankaj he would never agree to let her go. While the watchman and gardener stood there talking Nallamma quietly slipped away and left the house. As she walked along the hot bitumen road she did not know where to go or what to do, but decided that she would never go back to her earlier profession. She would catch a train or bus and go to a far away place where she could live a simple life and eke out a living by working as a housemaid.
She did not cry any more. She knew a new life awaited her somewhere. As for Pankaj, she assumed he would grieve for a few days and then forget her. She thought that it was better to forfeit his love so that he could live with self-respect. She did not realise that she was his very life. It did not even occur to her that Pankaj would not want to live without her.
As Nallamma proceeded towards the bus stop, she suddenly remembered that Kavitha would wonder what had happened to her. While staying with Pankaj she had called Kavitha to tell her that she was now living in the house of a rich man whom she loved dearly. On hearing this Kavitha had been very happy for her and had promised to visit her one day. However, this had not happened and Nallamma felt it was her duty to go and see Kavitha and explain why she planned to leave.
As Nallamma stood on the doorstep of Kavitha’s house she remembered her first visit and how nervous she had been at that time. Now she felt very calm and relaxed and happy with the decision she had taken to leave the town. On hearing of Nallamma’s decision Kavitha seemed very upset. She told Nallamma that it was wrong on her part to leave Pankaj who loved her so dearly. Moreover, God had blessed her with the love of a wealthy man and all her suffering had come to an end. It was therefore foolish for Nallamma to return to a life of poverty again. However, Nallamma would not listen to Kavitha, and bid her farewell. She refused Kavitha’s offer of accompanying her to the bus terminus since she did not want anyone to know her destination.
When she reached the terminus she recalled the first time she had come there to meet her client. She stood vacantly wondering where to go and then boarded a bus that was fairly empty. She purchased a ticket to the final destination and closed her eyes and wept as the bus rolled out of the terminus. She opened her eyes momentarily to see if anybody was watching her or sitting next to her, then closed them and gave in to her emotions.
Tears poured down her cheeks as the bus gathered speed taking her to a new life in an unknown city.
(Based on a true story, related to the author by a commercial sex worker when he was doing field research as part of his NGO work.)
